Be Afraid, Be really afraid

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I have spent all of my 71 years on earth as a citizen of the United States. I have always been proud to be called an American, that is up until this past couple of years, especially now during the impeachment of Trump. I not only feel shame, but I feel terrified for myself, my friends and my country.

I have felt anger and shame as our President has destroyed our relationships with our allies and kissed up to the dictators leading those countries we have considered our enemies and have sworn to destroy us. He has demonized those countries who stood by us during the attacks of 9/11 and fought next to us in World Wars I and II.

I have felt anger and shame as this President has verbally attacked the press, handicapped people, Gold Star families, children fighting to save our climate and fighting for sensible gun control. I have cringed when he has shown support for white supremacists and incited violence towards the press, people supporting rights for all and anyone who dares disagree with him.

I have been angered and sickened by his attacks on Muslims and other non-Christians and people of color. I have been disgusted by his attacks on immigrants of color, those seeking asylum in our traditionally welcoming country and even naturalized citizens and their descendants who have helped build this country.

I have watched with horror as this President and those in his administration have strived to destroy the rights of those minorities who have fought for their God-given rights for years, to be accepted as equals in our society. I have watched this self-serving, amoral spawn of Satan divide our country along racial, religious, ethnic, political and gender lines while surrounding himself with bigoted and racist hypocrites professing to be followers of Christ. A man thrice married who has a history of infidelity and adultery and has had numerous accusations of rape and has rarely stepped foot in a house of worship, is himself being worshipped as being anointed by Christ to lead them!

I have witnessed his administration separate children from their families and lock them in cages simply for wanting a better life. I have seen this President and his followers look the other way as some of these children have died from neglect or suffered from sexual abuse at the hands of those sworn to protect them, while his own children are financially raping the American taxpayer. I heard this lowlife blame all the ills of our society on these children and those who share the same skin color.

As a gay person, I have particularly followed Trump’s systematic destruction of LGBTQ rights which were attained through years of hard-fought legal battles and advocacy by myself and others and all those who have preceded me. All the while Trump is bragging about how much of a strong supporter of this community he is, he is stabbing us all in the back. Why? All because he needs the support of those religious bigots who make up his base. Soon I and others like me will have no legal protection from discrimination. Homophobia will not only be legal, but it will also be encouraged.

It is not just in the gay community that I have noticed the rollback of civil rights. I have seen how Trump’s Republican party has been actively destroying voter rights, in an attempt to deny the vote to Blacks, Native Americans and other persons of color, who traditionally support Democratic candidates. This has especially been evident in Southern states where millions of people have been purged from the voter rolls. In some parts of the West with a large population of Native Americans, polling places have been moved to places that are difficult o find or are inaccessible to people without transportation.

I have been watching Trump and his family and wealthy friends enrich themselves at the expense of the American taxpayer, as he has divided the country. He has single-handedly destroyed the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution as he has slowly eliminated the middle class. The government of the United States has become part of the Trump family business!

With all of his crimes and misdeeds becoming commonplace as the Republican party is either scared shitless to stand up to him or more likely are implicated in his wrongdoings, he finally got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. On December 18, 2019, Tump was impeached by the Democratic House of Representatives and in January the articles of impeachment were delivered to the Republican majority Senate where they will be ignored.

I have watched little of the trial in the Senate as I know what the results will be. There is an abundance of testimony and evidence proving Trump guilty of obstruction of justice and abuse of power. For a man who staunchly professes his innocence, he has refused to provide any information that would attest to that innocence. He has refused to allow any member of his cabinet who has first-hand knowledge of his abuse of power to testify. Now that his trial is going on in the Senate the Republican Senators are fighting to prevent any witnesses to testify.

Even though former National Security Advisor John Bolton has first-hand knowledge of what happened and has stated so in his upcoming and yet unpublished book The Republicans will not allow him to be called as a witness. If, or when, the Republicans get their way, there will be no witnesses in this trial. Putin’s Russia and North Korea have trials with no witnesses or proof of innocence allowed and we now will join this not so illustrious group of authoritarian regimes.

Even though all of Trump’s aforementioned behaviors have frightened me, this sham of a trial terrifies me. When the Republican Senate acquiesces to Trump’s wishes and does not allow witnesses or any relevant documents, heretofore hidden by the White House and Attorney General William Barr, they will vote not to convict Trump. With this vote, the Senate will have essentially crowned Donald Trump King and destroyed our democracy.

For whatever reason they do this, they will be acting against the desires and wishes of the majority of Americans. They will not have to suffer the wrath of Trump if they had done their duty and they will probably reap some sort of financial benefits, but they stand a chance of losing their seat in the next election. That’s all they have to fear now.

But what about the rest of us? Donald Trump has a history of seeking revenge against anyone who he believes has done him wrong. Hell, he ran for president only so he could be in a position to destroy anything Obama did simply because Obama once cracked a joke about him at a White House Correspondents dinner in 2011.

Trump will view the actions of the Senate vote as a full acquittal. He will be re-energized and will feel as though he can do anything he damn well pleases. In short, he will be above the law and there will be no one to stop him. He will be free to do anything he wants to stay in office, legality be damned. This will mean the end of our Constitution.

Post impeachment there will be nothing to stop Trump from implementing all of his racist and bigoted policies, with the help of his chief white supremacist Stephen Miller. He will become Adolf Hitler on steroids. We will have passed the point of no return, much as Germany did pre-WWII when German citizens looked the other way as Hitler carried out his final solution. I fear for myself and my husband first, but I fear for all of us, especially the next generation, as they will never know what America really was before Trump.

Rest assured that once this impeachment has passed Trump will seek revenge on Pelosi, Schiff, Nadler and all the Democrats he thinks wronged him. I would not be surprised if physical harm came to these people and those who bore witness against Trump in the House impeachment. In preparation for the 2020 elections be prepared to have Trump win at any cost. Don’t be surprised if once again he incites his followers to violence during the election and certainly after if he loses. And of course, be prepared for Russia to play a prominent roll in the election. If by some chance Trump loses all hell is going to break loose. He knows he could go to prison once he is no longer President and he and his cult will act like cornered rabid animals to prevent this from happening.

Regardless of whether Trump wins or loses in November this country is in for a wild and dangerous ride, from now until after the election. We will not be the same country we once were. We may lose our democracy and our rights and some of us may even lose our lives. I sincerely hope this doesn’t happen, but right now I’m afraid, really afraid. And you should be too.


Originally published in Rogues' Gallery on Medium.com

A Trip to the Grocery Store, And a test of my patience

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

I had just come from the gym where I had an encounter with a couple of old farts who were staunch Trump supporters. After hearing them spout off about Obama being a Muslim, born “in a foreign country” and Nancy Pelosi working for Iran, I had no desire to deal with morons and other people who get on my nerves. To top off my day my sinuses were acting up, with my teeth aching, eyes bulging and my head feeling like it would explode any moment. I had one more stop to make — the grocery store.

I felt that grocery shopping was a safe activity where I need not become involved with anyone who would further grate my nerves. I needed a respite. What could go wrong in the aisles of Wegmans? A lot!

I’ve always considered myself to be a tolerant person, although as I grow older I find that I can get pissed off at certain people much easier. I try to be somewhat politically correct, although I don’t believe that some people deserve to be included in that category. Some people are just plain stupid, rude or just assholes and it’s their own fault. It’s not an accident of birth, but it may be genetic.

Well anyway, I grabbed a cart and began my shopping. I didn’t get very far down the first aisle when I came upon two women with their shopping carts chatting as they blocked the entire aisle. They become irritated as shoppers on either side of them try to get by. Finally, with a look of disgust, one of the women suggests they move so “those rude people can get by”. They move to the side and give all of us waiting a dirty look. I can feel my blood pressure begin to rise.

In the next aisle, I stop to help an elderly lady retrieve an item off the shelf because it is too high. She pleasantly thanks me and I can feel my faith in humanity begin to be restored. At the end of the aisle, however, is a young mother with her 3 children around 8 or 9 years old, pulling stuff off the shelves and screaming for their mother to buy the items for them. Mommy isn’t the least bit perturbed and never once attempts to even try to correct their behavior! I notice that other shoppers steer clear of Atilla the Hun and her children.

I’m amazed at the number of young women who stroll the aisles with their cell phones held between their shoulders and chins. At first, I thought they were maybe asking about some of the products they were buying, but I was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but I just had to know what was so damn important that they couldn’t concentrate on what they were doing. They were gossiping about friends and relatives! How urgent!

Don’t get me wrong. Not all of the shoppers were women. I encountered quite a few men shopping, many of whom were also on their cell phones. They weren’t gossiping though. They were on the phone with their spouses or significant others either comparing prices or following strict instructions on what to buy. I guess that’s safer than taking a guess on what to buy.

The most exciting incident I observed took place in the produce aisle where the bananas were being restocked by one of the store’s employees. The stock boy was being verbally attacked by an irate elderly gentleman speaking in a heavy Italian accent. The old gentleman, pounding his cane on the floor, was berating the stockboy for not treating the bananas properly. Apparently the old man, in his youth, had worked with produce back in Italy and knew what he was talking about. I felt sorry for the stock boy but knew enough to mind my own business.

As I approached the checkout line I could feel my sinus pressure getting worse, but at least I knew I would feel better once I got away from the annoyances of my fellow shoppers. After I checked out I decided to buy a couple of lottery tickets from the machines lining the walls of the exit ways. I maneuvered my shopping cart so it wouldn’t be a hindrance to anyone and approached the machine which had the tickets I always bought. Then I noticed the vending machine was blocked by a middle-aged woman in an electric shopping cart.

This didn’t bother me until I noticed that it was a woman I just saw at the gym earlier. I remember her because she is always complaining about how tiring and boring it is to exercise. She also bitches about how hard she tries to lose weight even though she tries very hard. There she was sitting in the electric cart blocking myself and others from using the machine, as she put her money in the slot with one hand and munched on a donut in the other. I waited along with a few others as she got about $50 worth of lottery tickets all the while eating her donuts. While waiting I saw elderly people and handicapped people struggling along with their groceries who would have benefitted from using an electric cart.

Finally, I was out of the store going through the parking lot towards my car. It wasn’t over yet! Parked next to my car I see the old white Datsun pickup truck belonging to the village idiot of my community. This truck is plastered with stickers praising Trump. “Trump 2020”, “CNN Fake News”, “Obama’s a Muslim” and of course “Lock her up” cover the entire truck, including some of the windows. As the bearded, camo wearing nearly toothless driver and I meet face to face I just shake my head and smile. F***ing Moron! Then I drove off to the tranquility of my home.

know some people will criticize me as being insensitive for complaining about some of the people I encountered, especially the darling in the electric shopping cart. But come on. We all know that there are plenty of people who use these carts intended for the handicapped because they are just lazy. I’m willing to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but I’ve been around enough to see that there are a lot of people out there who take advantage of the system, the elderly, the handicapped and society in general. I threw away my rose-colored glasses long ago.

Maybe I lose my patience more easily and more often as I grow older or maybe I’m beginning to realize this isn’t a perfect world. There are a lot of beautiful, kind-hearted, caring people in this world who come in many colors, shapes, and sizes. And there are also a lot of assholes!

Originally published in The Partnered Pen on Medium.com

Flu Season is Here Again But, Can you afford the treatment?

Image by flockine from Pixabay

Last November I faithfully took the flu shot as I do every year. It didn’t work. I was felled by the flu in March and spent a week in the hospital, in isolation. I really thought that this would be the end. Fortunately, it wasn’t. It took me a little over a month to fully recover and a few months more to pay off the hospital bills, even though I had Medicare and a Medicare advantage plan. Those frigging deductibles can kill you as easily as your disease. This country has the worst healthcare unless you have the big bucks, which I don’t.

This year, with the memories of last year’s serious bout with the flu, needless to say, I am a bit apprehensive. I got the flu shot again, even though last year’s version was a complete failure. I stay as far away as possible from anyone sneezing or coughing, especially little kids. I’m scared stiff of catching a cold that could develop into something worse. I have chronic sinusitis which acts up every year at this time and on an almost daily basis and I hope that too won’t lead to the flu.

Along with the television ads urging everyone to get the flu vaccine are the ads from our thoughtful and benevolent pharmaceutical companies pushing their flu medications. These ads push drugs that are to be taken within a couple of days of the first signs of the flu and promise that your symptoms will be improved in three days. If you check the company’s website you will see their comparison to a placebo. The drug reduces symptoms in 3 days, while the placebo takes 4.3 days. What a frigging deal, 1 1/3 days!

I don’t know about you, but if I call my doctor and request medication he wants to see me first and it’s not usually within the next few hours. Then if I have a fever and chills and am coughing pieces of my lungs out into a wadded up tissue or napkin, I really don’t want to climb into a freezing cold car and drive through the snow and traffic to sit in a doctor’s waiting room for 3 hours. Then I will have to crawl to the pharmacy and wait in line for another few hours until my prescription is ready. Then I can make my way home to die.

Now for the best part of this whole process. The ads for this wonderdrug offer a deal in which you could, if you qualify, receive a coupon for $60 off. If the coupon is for that much, how the hell much does the damn medication cost? According to GoodRx the cost of this drug is anywhere between $156 and $183. Holy shit who has that much money laying around? Even with my Medicare advantage plan, I would have to pay $50!

So what are the choices we face this flu season? As soon as you sneeze call the doctor for an appointment. Keep stashing away your spare change in case you get the flu and need the medication. Move closer to an emergency room or an urgent care center. Move to any other country in the world, since whichever it would be, it would have a better and cheaper system than ours. Quickly become a millionaire. Or the best choice of all is staying inside and avoiding all contact with other human beings. Stay healthy my friends! 

Originally published in Rogue's Gallery on Medium.com

Oh No! The holidays again!

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Here it is the middle of December already. I thought I just closed the pool for the season and there’s already snow on the ground! I’ve got the tree up and decorated, as well as the living room and dining room. The stockings are hung from the mantel and the manger is in place watching over everything. Kevin has the lights on the outside of the house and the reindeer and angels are prominently displayed with their brilliant white lights. The shopping is finished already and the gifts are waiting to be wrapped. There’s Christmas music emanating from Alexa and my favorite little ornamental village church filling the whole house with holiday spirit. So why do I have mixed feelings?

…I was terrified of Santa Claus and refused to go near him…

As a child I loved Christmas with all of the decorations, Christmas carols and of course waiting for Santa’s visit. I have fond memories of our Christmas tree with all its colorful decorations, many of which were handmade. We had two big evergreen trees growing in our yard that I couldn’t wait to decorate until they became way too tall to put lights extending to the top. Even though I was terrified of Santa Claus and refused to go near him when I visited a department store where he was greeting children, I wanted him to bring me presents. I especially loved Christmas Eve when all of my relatives came to visit and my father made his famous” Tom and Jerry” drinks. Instead of alcohol my brothers and my cousins had ginger ale in the mugs until we reached the drinking age.

We weren’t rich, but I didn’t know that.

I can remember waking early and scrambling downstairs Christmas morning to find that Santa had been there and left everybody beautifully wrapped gifts. Even though we didn’t have a fireplace I never questioned how Santa got into the house. I can still smell my mother’s pies and turkey cooking in the oven as I played with my new toys and got ready to attend mass. While we were waiting for Christmas dinner I would go visit my friends in the neighborhood and they would visit me. We were all very happy that Santa had been so nice to us. We weren’t rich, but I didn’t know that. To me, all was right with the world.

I knew Christmas was only for one day and soon it would be all over.

Then I grew up and things changed. I moved away from home and developed mixed feelings towards Christmas and the holidays. I was coming to terms with the fact I was gay and felt out of place when I went home for the holidays and was forced to endure questioning as to why I wasn’t married or when I would meet a nice girl. When I finally came out to my family I still felt as an outsider and tended to blend into the wall when I went home. After a while I gave up on making the holiday trip through the treacherous snow belt of upstate New York and buried myself in my work, only taking Christmas day off. Even though I was invited to spend Christmas with neighbors and friends I preferred to stay home and spend Christmas with my dog. I had a small tree and decorated the outside of the house mainly to prove to people I wasn’t a lonely hermit. I knew Christmas was only for one day and soon it would be all over.

This isn’t Christmas, it’s commerce!

What happened to me? I still enjoyed the Christmas decorations in the malls and the beautiful lights and displays of my then home, Boston. I loved to listen to the Christmas carols playing on the radio and blaring throughout the malls bustling with shoppers. It was odd though that I only liked the traditional religiously-themed carols because I am not a religious person. I still feel the same way towards the carols I hear today. It angered me when our beautiful traditional carols were used to hawk all kinds of merchandise as Christmas gifts! Even though I liked going to the malls I hated shopping. I felt and still do feel as though people now feel obligated to buy presents, for not only their family but just about everyone they know. To this day I abhor the television commercials where a husband and wife give each other a new Mercedes and think nothing of it. How many people can afford to do that? How many people can’t even afford an old used car? I would complain to myself “this isn’t Christmas, it’s commerce”! Christmas would be better without having to buy presents. After all, why should we have to prove our love to those we care for by giving them presents they really don’t need?

Christmas is about a Jewish couple and their infant child, living in the Middle East, seeking aid and shelter in their time of need!

The one aspect of the holiday season that I have always loved is that people (most people that is) are exceptionally kind to each other and go out of their way to greet others with joyfulness and concern. This year I feel especially confused and upset with what my country is doing to the poor people seeking asylum on our southern border and by our government demonizing immigrants and people of color. As far as I remember Christmas is about a Jewish couple and their infant child, living in the Middle East, seeking aid and shelter in their time of need! It saddens me also to realize that even though everyone is gushing with love and kindness during this season, things will be back to normal with the hateful, nasty and disrespectful language and behavior that pervades our society today. The poor, the homeless and the less fortunate among us will once again be forgotten until the holiday season next year.

“it’s only one day”

I am no longer alone and I now celebrate the Christmas holidays with my husband who really never celebrated before, as he is not a Christian and was born and raised in a predominantly Muslim country. His enthusiasm and desire to help others has sort of reinvigorated my interest in Christmas. He gets as excited about helping the less fortunate in our community as he does about decorating our house to the max. Although he’s also not religious I think he has developed the “feelings” about the holiday that I once had as a child. We look forward to celebrating with family, friends, and neighbors, as I did as a child, but we also cannot forget that for many people there isn’t much to celebrate. I’m no longer alone, but I can’t forget that there are many, many people who are alone, and lonely. The holidays only reinforce their sense of loneliness. Maybe they deal with it the way I used to and think, “it’s only one day”. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!