I Guess I’m Really a Bigot

Add capImage by Сергей Корчанов from Pixabaytion

                                                                 I’m not sure if I should feel bad!

I published this in my own publication, “Your Voice Counts”, as I was quite sure it wouldn’t be accepted into any another publication, after I initially tried and was rejected. Even though this article is about my own personal feelings I thought it would be too controversial for some publications. After I published it my own publication it went nowhere. I am republishing this in my publication to see if it will pick up any traction or will be forever ignored. So much for my personal feelings.

I’ve always thought of myself as being quite tolerant towards different lifestyles, people of different races, creeds and sexual orientation and people with different beliefs. Being gay I have always been sensitive to the feelings of other people, even though I may disagree with them. However, I must admit that at times throughout my life I have harbored some less than endearing thoughts about a certain group of people. The events of the past few weeks in Alabama have forced me to realize that I may not be as tolerant as I thought I was. I have to admit that I have always disliked or mistrusted people from the South.

…not only the vile hatred, but the thick Southern accent stuck in my head.

When I was growing up I had neighbors who were from Mississippi and they were the nicest people, but they only lived in my neighborhood for a couple of years before the Army transferred the husband overseas. In my teen years I observed the events of the Civil Rights Movement unfolding on the nightly news. I can remember the Southern accents of people like Alabama governor George Wallace or Arkansas governor Orville Faubus ,who actively fought racial discrimination. On television I remember seeing the Klu Klux Klan marching against the enactment of civil rights legislation. Watching interviews with angry White Southerners condemning the federal government for trying to give equal rights to African Americans, not only the vile hatred, but the thick Southern accent stuck in my head.

I’ll never forget George Wallace standing in front of the door of the University of Alabama…

I could never forget the pictures of lynchings, or acts of tar and feathering, as well as signs reading “Whites only”. I’ll never forget George Wallace standing in front of the door of the University of Alabama trying to prevent three Black students from entering. Under orders from President Kennedy, the Alabama National Guard made Wallace step aside to let the students enter. Once again that accent stood out. Throughout the Civil Rights Movement hatred and violence towards Blacks and anyone who supported them seemed to be tied to that Southern accent.

I guess I tolerated them because they shared my values.

As the once solidly Democratic South turned Republican over President Lyndon Johnson’s Civil Rights Act of 1964, to me the Southern accent began to be associated with Republican politicians. I was confused however by Johnson, Clinton and Carter. They had Southern accents, but they were Democrats and not racists, in my view! I guess I tolerated them because they shared my values.

…but I was still terrified of ever traveling through the South.

As I was growing older I watched movies where the plots often centered around the mistreatment of Blacks in the South as a matter of every day life. I can remember many movies where even White people form Northern States were singled out and terrorized simply for being from a Northern state. I realized they were just Hollywood movies, but I was still terrified of ever traveling through the South. When I was in high school a teacher of mine who happened to be a Catholic priest was driving to Florida to play golf on vacation and was arrested in one of the infamous speed traps that Southern states were and are still known for. He was thrown in jail for the night because he wasn’t wearing his Roman collar, and most likely because he was Catholic and from New York, a Northern state.

I cringe every time I hear Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana speak…

As an adult I was and still am leery about traveling to or through the South. I have been to New Orleans a couple of times and absolutely loved the city, the food, the people and the atmosphere, but visiting there I’m sure is not like living there, even though it is probably much more liberal than the rest of the state. I cringe every time I hear Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana speak out in his thick Southern accent against immigrants and LGBTQ rights, while at the same time fighting for enactment of religious liberty legislation to allow discrimination against anyone who is not a white right wing Christian.

 I was dumbfounded…

I realize at times that I am generalizing in my attitude towards the South and Southern accents and I have truly tried to be more accepting, like the time in Boston when I befriended a young doctor from Mississippi who was attending the same pathology conference as I was attending. We had dinner together and I showed him around Boston Common and the Public Gardens. We stopped in a bar for a nightcap and I asked him how he liked Boston. He replied “ I didn’t realize you had so many n*****s here! I was dumbfounded and very angry. Surrounded by all the historical sites and monuments to the founding of our country the only thing he noticed was the color of people’s skin! Needless to say I ended the evening with a nasty comment about his racism and left.

…but the Southern voices seem the strongest.

People say that as we grow older we become more tolerant, but I’m not sure that’s true, at least in my case. As an adult I saw the likes of Mike Huckabee, from Arkansas, Southern Baptist preacher, Pat Robertson, Senator Mitch McConnell, Senators Graham and Cruz, all Republican Southerners vehemently oppose gay marriage and anything resembling the granting of a civil right to the LGBTQ community. Just hearing that Southern accent was like an attack on my being! Every current Republican in Congress has opposed gay rights, as well as women’s rights and minority rights, but the Southern voices seem the strongest. It seems like they are pushing to return to the 1950’s, the glory days of the White, Christian, straight male!

I guess I have wrongfully learned to associate the Southern accent with racism and bigotry.

I realize that not all Southerners are like those I mentioned above, but unfortunately I don’t hear them. I know there are gays living in the deep South and I admire them for living there, but I don’t hear them. I know I shouldn’t paint Southerners as racists and bigots, but maybe I should paint Republicans, regardless of where they live, as racists and bigots. There are also many people who oppose civil rights, gay rights and immigrant rights who are Yankees, but I don’t hear them in the same way. I guess I have wrongfully learned to associate the Southern accent with racism and bigotry.

…I associate the sound with an attack on me and everything I stand for.

I have learned that when I hear Christmas carols I associate the sound to joy and good will. When I hear Dean Martin singing “Amore”, I associate the sound with eating in Italian restaurants, when I hear the sounds of children laughing and playing I associate the sounds with happiness and innocence. But when I hear a Southern accent I am put on guard, as I associate the sound with an attack on me and everything I stand for. I know this is wrong and I honestly try to fight the feelings, but lately I have not been successful.

How do I destroy my own bigotry towards those who wish to destroy me?

With the Trump administration this country has become more divided than I can ever remember. We are not only divided by politics, but by race, gender, sexual orientation,religion and even where we live. It seems as though we have abandoned tolerance towards those who are different and are now choosing our camps and fighting to defend them, regardless of what it is doing to our country. I sadly have become involved in this abhorrent behavior and I don’t like it. Yet at the same time, the attacks on the values I hold strongly continue. My sexual orientation, my marriage, my immigrant husband and even my safety are being attacked daily, but I am going to fight back for my rights and those of others. How do I do this and remain tolerant? How do I destroy my own bigotry towards those who wish to destroy me? Is it really possible?

…I know Southerners are caring people…

Deep inside my being I know the South is a beautiful part of our country and I know Southerners are caring people, and I would really like to spend time there. I want to get over my mistrust and fear of those with a Southern accent. After all it is just a manner of speech. I feel badly that I have allowed myself to stereotype all Southerners by the actions of a loud bigoted few. To those from the South who may be reading this, I apologize for my feelings. If there was only a way to fight ideas instead of fighting the people who espouse them!

Do Internet Health Forums Ever Help Anyone?

Image by rawpixel on Pixabay

For many years I have suffered from breathing problems related to a combination of Chronic sinusitis and GERD. I have even published an article on Medium about this, called Living with Chronic Sinusitis, GERD, and Asthma. in which I described my symptoms and what medical help I was receiving. I have also previously published and article on HubPages called “What is Really Wrong With Me?” in which I shared my thoughts and feelings of not being able to have received any help with these conditions. I really had hoped that by publishing these articles someone would comment about how they had found something to help them, if they were suffering from the same conditions.

…no idea what I was talking about…

 I have seen a number of doctors here in the US and in Malaysia (where I lived for 7 years), who had no idea what I was talking about and even shrugged off my complaints. The only diagnoses I have gotten were either GERD or Chronic Sinusitis with associated asthma symptoms. COPD was ruled out, even though I have been prescribed COPD medications, which did not help. I have tried every inhaler and nasal spray on the market, with no results. Because I could not get any answers from my doctors I began visiting numerous Health Forums related to respiratory or breathing problems. On these forums I found large numbers of people suffering from the same maladies as I have been suffering for years. I have spent hours reading the their accounts of their symptoms and what they have done to alleviate them. Some of them have tried the same medications that I have tried and were helped; while others were not. The consensus was that most, if not all, of these people have been suffering, sometimes for years, but have not gotten any real relief. It is very discouraging for me and I’m sure for everyone else not to be able to get some sort of relief, so that we may be able to live normal lives.

…“learn to live with it”…

 What really makes me mad is that every once and a while a doctor will reply to some of the patients sharing their symptoms, telling them to contact their physician! What the hell do they think we have been doing all these years? On some of these health forums the patients actually pay for an online consultation and share the results on the forum. Once again they were told to contact their physicians. What kind of morons are these doctors that they don’t listen to what is being said? For years we all have been going to our physicians and hearing the same thing over and over, before we’re told to “learn to live with it” or some other asinine excuse for not knowing what is wrong!

Forgive me for sounding off,…

 I’m not complaining about these forums, on the contrary, I am grateful to them for the support they offer me and thousands of other people. I just can’t understand that after all of the forum posts, over a period of years ,why there has not been one single healthcare professional who has offered some consolation or other ray of hope. Forgive me for sounding off, but I am becoming very frustrated with my health problems and the way our healthcare system works, or more correctly, doesn’t work.

I have to pee again!

GoodFreePhotos

Sadly those days are gone forever!

BPH or benign prostatic hyperplasia is a condition from which most males over 50 years of age suffer to varying degrees. BPH is not related to prostate cancer and is not considered a very serious condition, but the symptoms are very annoying. One of the symptoms that can be very disturbing is having to get up a number of times during the night to urinate (nocturia). This is the most annoying symptom of BPH for me. Sometimes I get up as little as twice a night or as many times as every half hour! Getting up several times a night to urinate is very disruptive to a good night’s sleep and can affect one’s overall health.

This sounds like good advice, but it doesn’t work!

 When you talk with your Urologist or do research online you are told to stop drinking liquids after 5 or 6 at night and stop the use of alcohol and caffeine. This sounds like good advice, but it doesn’t work! The medications given for BPH, I find have little or no effect on the frequent nighttime bathroom trips and the side effects, such as ED or the destruction of the libido,are as bad or worse than the symptom. So I decided to go the route of natural supplements. I have done a good deal of research about the various herbal supplements that reportedly relieve the symptoms of BPH, especially the nocturia. First of all I have been taking Saw Palmetto for about 35 years and found it to be absolutely useless! I have tried Maca, which other than giving me extreme gas and stomach pains did not work. I have used Beta Sitosterol, Stinging Nettle, Pumpkin Seed Oil, Pygeum, Fenugreek and others, but not one of them had any effect on my symptoms!

These are evidently paid reviews!

 There are many combinations of these supplements, some costing a fortune, which are touted to relieve almost all BPH symptoms. These are sold in drug stores and online and even promoted on TV infomercials. If you check the ingredients you will see that these so called miracle supplements contain basically the same supplements I have listed above, with a few added inactive ingredients. If you look at the reviews of these products you will find that they all work marvelously! These are evidently paid reviews! I have tried a number of these products over the past few years and not one of them had any effect!

I long for those days when I could hold it for hours and I had the pressure of a fire hose!

 One thing that I have noticed is that when I have a few glasses of red wine I get up dramatically fewer times at night to go to the bathroom! This is the direct opposite of what is recommended!
 I have found that diet affects BPH symptoms, especially the nocturia. I have discovered that eating fatty foods such as chicken wings and eating really spicy food causes more bathroom trips and more urine retention. I have also found that my blood pressure medication, amlodopine, makes my nighttime symptoms worse if I take it before bed. Even though I get up to pee quite frequently I find that my bladder never empties and my stream is akin to. dripping faucet. I long for those days when I could hold it for hours and I had the pressure of a fire hose! (Like the photo above)

…we will all have to accept the unpleasantness of BPH and just live with it.

Like millions of men who are in the same boat (or should I say bathroom?) as I am this is just one more aspect of aging that has to be accepted. There are many physical problems that are far worse than peeing all day and night, so I should be thankful. Some day I hope medical science will develop a more effective medication to treat BPH, without the adverse side effects and that will be affordable for us oldsters. Until then I guess we will all have to accept the unpleasantness of BPH and just live with it.

I’m Struggling to Breathe

leadcma.org

For about 12 years now I have had a continuing problem with shortness of breath. I am particularly effected by changes in weather, especially changes in the barometric pressure and humidity rather than certain allergens. I become short of breath when I exercise or whenever I am outside after the sun sets and even when I get upset. Before I begin having difficulty breathing my sinuses begin to drain and my post nasal drip increases dramatically. I can actually feel my nasal passages constrict and well as my airways. I have had post nasal drip 24/7 for about 12 years. Approximately 10 years ago I underwent sinus surgery which was excruciating and did absolutely nothing to alleviate any of my symptoms. Presently my sinus CT scans show no abnormalities and my lungs are clear. I have used every kind of inhaler that is on the market, but with no success.

All because I have to struggle to breathe.

I love the outdoors, especially the mountains and forests, but I can no longer walk through the woods and enjoy the scenery, because I have to struggle to breathe after only a few minutes being among the trees. I believe it’s the humidity in the woods since I have tested negative for tree allergens. I would love to ride a bicycle around my neighborhood and play catch with the kids next door, but I can’t. My days of playing tennis are over and running up and down the stairs are out of the question. All because I have to struggle to breathe and no one knows why.

…she pooh poohed my assertion…

 I have been to numerous doctors in Boston, Penang, Malaysia and Rochester, NY. Each of them have said I have asthma. I was referred to a cardiologist who “guaranteed” that my shortness of breath was due to anemia. He did a blood test which proved him wrong. I then underwent stress tests, ECG’s and echocardiograms that showed nothing abnormal . He surmised my shortness of breath was attributed to asthma. I’ve heard that before! I was referred to an allergist who tested me for a variety of allergens, all of which were negative. I tried to explain to her that the weather caused my breathing problems, but she pooh poohed my assertion, even as I had an attack as a sudden thunderstorm went through the area. After trying a variety of inhalers and steroids, which constantly made me dizzy, and scheduling a pulmonary function test, which showed asthma, she quit scheduling any more appointments. Her office said that they have no record of me ever being there! Needless to say I gave up on her, as she gave up on me!

He also told me not to expect that doctors know everything!

 I was then referred to an ENT specialist who was the most honest yet. After examining my sinuses and CT scans he admitted that there was nothing wrong with my sinuses and he had no idea what was causing my asthma. He also told me not to expect that doctors know everything! I was happy that he was honest with me and didn’t offer false hopes or wanted me to keep coming for appointments which would be both a waste of money and a waste of his and my time.

She evidently was absent the day “bedside manners” were taught…

Next I went to a pulmonologist, who was the most useless yet! I paid a $50 co-pay and $125 for the tech to take an inhaler out of the package to show me how to use it! As if I didn’t know anything after 12 years of inhaler use! She arrogantly told me I had asthma and her treatment was to suggest I continue using my inhalers! I refused to make another appointment with her as she had nothing to offer and appeared not to really care. She evidently was absent the day “bedside manners” were taught or she flunked that exam! It doesn’t take a specialist to tell me to continue to take my medications that doesn’t work!

…I realized that for the first time I was breathing easier.

From this sad excuse for a doctor I went to see an asthma specialist at a well known asthma and allergy clinic, which had an excellent reputation among medical professionals in my area. I was given a spirometry test followed by a nebulizer treatment and an oral medication. My consultation and treatment took over three hours and offered me some hope. The doctor appeared to be genuinely interested and assured me that he could help me breathe again, and if he didn’t he wouldn’t keep me coming to give me false expectations. When I left his office and drove home I realized that for the first time I was breathing easier. I hoped it would last.

 He told me he was not satisfied with my progress…

I saw the asthma specialist twice, but I did speak with him on the phone numerous times. I had some relief with some of the medications he prescribed, while one of the drugs severely worsened my condition. It was interesting that one of the drugs he prescribed was one I had taken as a child for my severe asthma. It worked then so he wanted to see if it would work again and it did, even though it is very difficult to get as it is seldom used today. In my last telephone conversation with him I learned that he had referred me to another pulmonologist, who specialized in asthma/COPD patients who did not respond to treatment. He told me he was not satisfied with my progress and wanted me to see someone with more expertise. Next month the saga continues!

I’m sure whatever it will be it will be way too expensive and I won’t be able to afford it!

Every time I see another specialist I have to start from the beginning to explain my symptoms and how long I’ve had them and who I’ve seen. I feel like I should make a recording to play each time I see a new doctor! I can’t imagine what medication he will prescribe next, as I think I’ve tried every drug on the market. I’m sure whatever it will be it will be way too expensive and I won’t be able to afford it! In the meantime I am researching natural supplements, as to their effectiveness and affordability. I am not holding out too much hope for my next adventure with this specialist, but I am not quite ready to give up either. To be continued…